没有母女缘 méiyǒu mǔnǚ yuán: What does it mean to say this of a woman and the girl she gave birth to? To insist that they do not have mother-daughter affinity is betrayed by the pair’s once-umbilical and always-biological connection. The two are karmically bound. For Buddhists, this mother-child bond serves as the iconic model for cultivating lovingkindness. From the seventh stanza of the Karaṇīyametta-sutta:

As a mother would so cherish

her child, with her life, her only child

Now cultivate, in equal force,

a boundless mind for all beings

I am an only child. When I first chanted this Pali verse in my early twenties, the comparison fell flat. This self-sacrificing mother, who would give up not just a minute’s attention but her very life to shelter her kid from harm—this was not my mother. Growing up, yes, I wished for such a mom. But as I pass, childless, through the latter half of my thirties, I don’t know if I want a mother who would cede her own time and desires so readily. Mine did not, does not—a refusal that has molded suffering and strength into my life.